Florida Idiot – The Religious Cracker (Literally)



Florida idiot? Yes, definitely, they exist and the news is the best source to exemplify the stereotype. The colloquial term for the indigenous white trash hillbilly in Florida is cracker. How ironic that this tidbit of news would actually involve a delusional nut-job, who happens to be a cracker raving about a divinely inspired Goldfish cracker. Unfortunately, this story needs no incessant ranting or explanation.

Read on and feel the utter shame for belonging to the same species.


Florida woman finds ‘sign from God’ on Goldfish cracker

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I will let the comments speak for me on this one.

Florida Idiot

The insanity has become so commonplace that even the usual yahoo banter is jesting over this madness.

Florida Idiot

Incidentally, I read that the US is currently the most medicated society in the world. Something about Big Pharma and the extensive use of psychotropic drugs. I am not surprised, someone would comment to such an effect.

Florida Idiot

Yes indeed, people from Florida. Not like it was a big secret that this Godawful state is a literal backwater cesspool.

Florida Idiot

It would not be far from the truth that Florida is a microcosm of the rest of the country. If anything much of the south can attest to the same flagrant idiocy.

Overweight? – Check we got massive amounts here in Florida. People here don’t walk, they slowly slumber forward, swaying side to side for balance, lest they fall forwards or backwards due to the enormous weight.

Under-educated? – Try UN-educated. This state was ranked 37th in terms of overall educational standards. Ignorance is a virtue here. Read the story a second time. Let it seriously sink for the complete effect.

Lethargic? – You think? – Seriously people here are so lazy, they even purchase golf carts to avoid walking at all costs. In gated communities with near perfect and pristine sidewalks, safe & clean streets abound, gated entrance and no wintry slush to cause a slippery mishap. Not to mention total avoidance of the tropical weather they so relished in their rush to retire. You would think moving to a warmer climate would cause you to indulge in more outdoor activities. Nope! It is absolutely pathetic. My fucking neighbor even walks his dog by riding the beast in his golf cart!

Updated: 06/01/2013:

This superstitious idiocy is apparently a national past time and craze. I remember listening to a lecture by Chomsky once when he described the USA as a highly fundamentalist society. I believe the media perpetuation of such stories serves to amplify this hyper-emotional state, further enticing it’s herd like followers towards a reality far removed from logic.


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