Hallmark Moments are Fucked


Hallmark greeting cards suck!

Now that I got that out of the way, I shall continue with this post.

In light of the devastating economic turmoil and the relentless consistency of the downward spiral of American life, the people living amidst the dying middle class and iconic blue collar towns and cities struggle quietly, isolated and patriotically ignorant in order to survive the daily rigors of a catatonic and slumberous suburban life. Cape Coral Florida could be a top ten contender for wealth disparity in the USA and easily illustrates this principle of inequality on every level. One can easily see the shortcomings on a daily basis. Store closings, short sales, low paying service and retail jobs and foreclosures are rampant, barely driving an already volatile real estate market which exists on sustained life support. This in turn creates and extremely limiting environment.

So what does this have to do with Hallmark greeting cards?

Today I needed to get two birthday cards. This is usually something I dread as I am extremely selective based on the contents. I think being a wordsmith makes you somewhat of a connoisseur of the written word and language in general. Nevertheless, I went to both Target and another major shopping store chain, Publix in hopes of finding something suitable. Nada! In the end I had to make a choice akin to American voting politics of choosing the lesser of two evils. The cards all sucked big time. The selection was garbage. Overpriced drivel and the forced sentiment was so apparent. The illustrations were equally disgusting with kindergarten gaudy colors which often mimicked the overall buffoonery of the American marketing mindset.

Since when is everything PINK?

Many of the cards were just downright tacky and blatantly nonsensical and stupid. I imagine one could have more fun kicking yourself in the balls on a Friday night then sifting through this aisle of pastel colored refuge.

Anyway, nine dollars later and almost ten minutes to closing, I left with two of the best examples I could find of pseudo sentimental shit scribbled in the english language. Just like most things in America, plasticized, stupefied, quantity over quality consumer driven and cheaply manufactured.

Let’s face it, the greeting card industry is one giant insatiable crack-whore looking for another manufactured holiday to appease her profit cravings like another cheap back alley fix.

To make matters worse, the Hallmark pimp is hawking Halloween Cards to an already economically depressed tent city refugees across America. After all, we must contribute to perpetuating consumers as opposed to citizens.

Hallmark Greeting Cards

I guess it makes some sense considering the presidential elections in November. Perhaps symbolic of the whole left/right paradigm, the wall street banker controlled crony-ism and the subsequent illusionary fraudulent voting system. After all, the founding fathers would surely be restless spirits in these troubled times. The American people? Easy, they would represent the massive brain dead consumer zombies. Think of the mall scene in George Romero’s classic. Hence, my greeting card misadventure was really synonymous with life in small town USA. Extremely limited selection with an ever dwindling supply of common sense among a sea of ignorance, blind allegiance and general apathy. I think it’s time for Hallmark to expand and offer a more wider selection based on truth and the brutal reality it represents.

After all, people do live through a more diverse selection of personal events, both tragic and joyous – besides the usual collectivist pre-manufactured nonsensical holidays. We need greeting cards to mark those dubious, dastardly and devilish events. Cards that speak to the basest of emotions. A good fuck off to a former boss or ex-lover comes to mind. Now that’s a fucking Hallmark moment.
Hallmark Greeting Cards